I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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