I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
