i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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