I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
