so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
