I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
