One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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