its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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