Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
