Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
