can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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