so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
