so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
