I think i peed on brittanys purse
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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