I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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