And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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