Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
