GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
