Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
