I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
