Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
