Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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