OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
True but thats because hes a fetus.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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