New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
