I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
