Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
