i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
