Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
