it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it