I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.