Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"