Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
