Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
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I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me