I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.