I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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