I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.