yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?