I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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