Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
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i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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