suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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