There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
