I saw his package. It spoke to me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
