Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
