I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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