2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
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you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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