you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
