thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my shit smells like andre
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
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Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
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It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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