i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
