Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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