God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
