Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
