we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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