your thong is hanging out like whoa
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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