Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
