FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
