Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
