you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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