the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Randomize
