new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
