Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
