Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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