Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You're like the curious george of whores
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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