So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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