3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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