So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
