Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
