Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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