I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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