You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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