I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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