She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
