You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
