its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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