I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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