I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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