So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
