Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
