I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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