did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
