for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
