According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
