On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
