you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
