once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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